Provision

Topsy-Turvey

Provision

Jeff and I were snuggled comfortably in bed the other night when I asked him “So what’s God been stirring in your heart these days?” before I share his response, I should tell you that earlier in the day we had received an incredibly generous Love Offering check from Grace Community Church. Both Jeff and I were stunned when we saw the amount.  We stood in the kitchen speechless, paying tribute with a personal moment of silence.  This reverent moment came to an abrupt halt when Bella came bounding through the kitchen to triumphantly announce “Mommy, Daddy, you won’t believe it, I can make toot sounds with my arm!”  In typical fashion, Jeff burst out in delighted laughter “ Awesome sweetie!  Keep practicing!”  As for me, I continued to stand there speechless.

Our day proceeded with regular routine all to the lovely accompaniment of Bella’s arm toots.  She was beginning to remind me of a chicken with major ADHD as she’d bounce from room to room flapping her wing shaped arm.  “Look Mom, the baby’s laughing!  He loves the toot sounds.  Hey, here comes mailman Bobby, I’m gonna show him my new trick.  Can I call Granpapa and do some toots over the phone?”

As I crawled into bed that night, I said a simple prayer that God would please take away the arm toot sounds that were repeatedly firing off in my brain.  In an effort to distract myself from the tooting, I tried to think on that which was “good and lovely” about the day.  That’s when I remembered the Love Offering.  Jeff and I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk about it, which is what prompted my question “So what’s God been stirring in your heart these days?”  I had a hunch the Love Offering may have prompted a conversation between Jeff and God.  For those of you who know Jeff well, it’s no secret that he is a self-professed Worry Wart. On days when he is making a valiant attempt at optimism, he’ll affectionately refer to this trait as his super power.  As of late, his super power had been working overtime which is why the timing of the Love Offering check couldn’t have been better.  I thought my question might elicit a deep, pastoral response like  “God’s been teaching me that like the Israelites in the desert, he’s going to provide our daily manna.  We can trust him.”  Apparently that’s not how the Lord speaks to Jeff.  In answer to my question he replied “Yeah, God’s been stirring something, just today after I saw that Love Offering check, he said “Hey Jeff, How about you stop Fu_ _ing worrying.” For the second time that day, we found ourselves sharing a moment of silence.  I broke the silence by asking “Um, do you think the Lord uses the F-word?”  Before Jeff could respond I began daydreaming about our friend Casey who, at his wife’s roller skating birthday party, was wheeling around the rink in a T-shirt that read JESUS IS MY HOMIE printed in bold font across the chest.  Then I thought of some of the “homies” I grew up with, all of which used the F-bomb.  Then I thought of Jesus with the Pharisees.  The man could indeed deliver a tongue lashing when needed.  Jeff’s take on this whole thing was simple.  He said “I think God speaks to each of us in ways we understand.”  Hmm.

After pondering whether or not it was possible for the Lord to use profanity in his conversations with Jeff, I began to think about all the ways God had and has been abundantly providing for us during this season.  The Love Offering was huge, but there has been so much!  Each night when I awake to feed our son Elisha, I have my own sacred time of worship.  It’s impossible for me to deny God’s goodness and faithfulness as I sit comfortably nestled in a beautiful rocking chair that my father-in-law Jim gave to us as a baby present. It was really a gift for me.  I look around the nursery and am reminded that each piece of furniture, each book, blanket, rattle, picture frame, diaper, clothing item and much, much more were all gifted to us.  Not only have we been supplied with a fully stocked nursery but I still have a stack of Target gift cards that never seems to run out. I look down at my son’s perfect, little sleepy face and am overcome.  This is the child I almost didn’t have because I was too afraid-too afraid that he would get our Cystic Fibrosis genes- too afraid that I could never be a good parent to a sick child- too afraid of how a terminally ill child might impact Bella’s life-too afraid of all the what if’s… That’s the thing with fear-it’s all about the what if’s.  Fear’s power lies in a future that doesn’t even exist!  It seeks out catastrophic fantasies to keep us from experiencing the beauty and power of God in the present-the beauty and power that God is sharing with us TODAY! What a shame to miss out on that!  Yet God overcame my fear.   When we decided to try for another baby, our peace and resolve wasn’t in the hope that he would be healthy.  It stemmed from the gift of faith that proclaims: even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Jesus is with us.  I don’t need to have the goods to weather life’s storms—He does! His grace flows down like my never-ending supply of Target gift cards.  When I need courage, there’s a “grace card” for that.  When I need faith, there’s a “grace card” for that.  When I need love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control….the “grace cards” keep coming from on high—they’re in endless supply.  All I have to do is ask and I will receive.  This is God-shaped Provision.   It can’t be won or bought nor can it ever be taken away.

So here I sit with this beautiful, healthy baby amongst all these gifts of grace. How can I respond to such generous love?  It makes me wanna do something outrageous like those crazy Old Testament Prophets.  I guess I could try and lie on my side in Ezekiel fashion, but I have a bum hip.  Maybe tonight, as I’m tiptoeing out of the baby’s room, I’ll secretly try one of Bella’s arm toots.   I bet God likes that sound.

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